My Cellphone

It’s been a couple days since I wrote a new post. I’ve been quite busy with a bunch of crap that I can’t even remember. “Carol” was not as awesome as I’d hoped it’d be. I think I expected it to be a lot more graphic and it just didn’t happen. Also, I grew a hemorrhoid in my ass this past week so that didn’t help. Instead of writing about humor, I’m going to post some screen shots of conversations with friends from my phone. I laugh every time I re-read these convo’s. Have fun! This is going to be very hemorrhoid filled and maybe graphic so brace yourselves. #noshameinmygame

This friend here is a fellow hemorrhoid survivor.matt

And this NON understanding friend.egg-1

This perp. One of my best friends, I love him to pieces. He’s single if anyone’s interested, send me an e-mail. Seriously the best guy I know.juuuustin

I’m just a little salty.egggsicle

When dad is on the verge of croaking.joeee

Hope you guys got a giggle out of these. I still do!

-Anastasia

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V-v-v-valentines Day

I was at work this morning and had a situation arise, so I had to leave. So here I am sitting in a tub full of hot water, awaiting my 2:45 doctors appointment, in the meantime, why don’t I rant about Valentines Day?

Almost everyone I know is all “Valentines Day is a hallmark holiday, I don’t really celebrate it”. Yet, you know that you’re secretly going to be upset when you come home tomorrow and there’s no flowers on the table for you. Then your boyfriend is going to ask you why you’re upset and you’re going to respond with “Well, I thought maybe you’d at least get me flowers….” and then your boyfriend is going to respond with “But you said you don’t celebrate Valentines Day? I don’t understand?” Now you have put this relationship in an awkward situation because this is totally your fault but you’re still not going to admit it.

Lucky for you, I am single! (Woohoo! Ain’t nothing wrong with that!) #yougogirl. Let me tell you folks about MY plans for Valentines Day. Although I don’t celebrate the holiday, I will still treat myself.

I have chosen Toby to be my Valentine (he doesn’t know it yet, but I don’t think he’ll mind either). The other day, while waiting in line at Target, I was browsing the “sale” DVD’s that they always put upfront by the registers (they get me every time!), and I came across a movie called “Carol” with Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara…I’m a huge fan of both. Below is the synopsis of the movie with commentary from me.

carol

“In an adaptation of Patricia Highsmith’s seminal novel The Price of Salt (Great, now I’m going to have to go buy and read the goddamn book so I can be a snob about whether the book or movie was better), Carol follows two women from very different backgrounds who find themselves in an unexpected love affair in 1950’s New York (how scandalous!!!!). As conventional norms of the time challenge their undeniable attraction, an honest story emerges to reveal the resilience of the heart in the face of change. A young woman in her 20’s, Therese Belivet (Ronney Mara), is a clerk working in a Manhattan department store   (I wonder if Therese works in the lingerie department and helped Carol pick out lingerie to please the husband she doesn’t care for?) and dreaming of a more fulfilling life when she meets Carol (Cate Blanchett), an alluring woman trapped in a loveless, convenient marriage (this must complicate things in the movie, I can only assume.) As an immediate connection sparks between them, the innocence of their first encounter dims and their connection deepens. While Carol breaks free from the confines of marriage, her husband (Kyle Chandler) begins to question her competence as a mother (what an asshole) as her involvement with Therese and close relationship with her best friend Abby (Sarah Paulson) come to light. (Wait a hot second…what “close relationship” with her best friend? What happened to just Therese?)”

I got this movie on Thursday, and I’ve been itching to watch it ever since but I am going to treat myself with this movie tomorrow whilst celebrating Valentines Day. Along with this movie, I am going to spoil myself with some wine, and I may even get myself some take- out ( I know, I live life on the edge.)

While watching the movie, Toby will probably be passed out on the couch, and given the synopsis, I will most likely be sitting here crying from the movie because I can already tell Carol has it pretty bad and I just won’t be able to contain my emotions.

Happy Valentines Day to those who celebrate.

Happy Valentines Day to those who don’t.

Happy Valentines Day to those who THINK they don’t.

I’ll give you guys my wise opinion of the movie in my following post.

– Anastasia

Jamie

So this morning I texted my sister to ask, yet again, what my brother-in-law wanted for his birthday. Yet again, she responded with “he doesn’t know!!”. So I proceeded with 3 angry emoji’s and she sent a screenshot of a voicemail she received which consisted of the following transcription:

“Hello, this is Jamie. This message is regarding our location and tracing efforts for Anastasia Begamot. Dial zero now to speak with a representative or call 877-254-5141. It is important that we speak with you in regards to their whereabouts. If we cannot verify this information through you, the law allows us to contact all references on file if you were unable to provide any information. Please contact us regardless at 877-254-5141, thank you.”

First- I told my sister 1,000 times to block this damn number because it’s a scam. They are only calling her because I have blocked them myself. Not sure how these people obtain phone numbers, but hey, it is what it is.

Second- This voicemail makes me sound like a wanted criminal. I haven’t decided if I am flattered or offended yet, I will keep you guys posted on my feelings with that.

Three- I googled this phone number and of course, plenty of people claiming to have received the same voicemail and when they call back are asked for their first and last name along with the last four digits of their social security number.

So I decided to give Jamie a call back. The conversation went something like this:

Robot: “You have reached “blah, blah, blah” (can’t remember what this robot said, sorry), if you do not know your parties extension please press 1.”

Me: *presses 1 and magically gets transferred to a “Jamie”*

Jamie: “Thank you for calling “blah, blah, blah” this is Jamie, how may I help you?”

Me: “Well, you left a voicemail for my sister about my whereabouts so here I am calling you back.”

Jamie: “Okay, what is your first and last name?”

Me: “Why do I have to give you my first and last name?”

Jamie: “Because we have so many different files, I need to see which one you’re calling in regards to.”

Me: “Mmmm, I really don’t feel comfortable giving you my first and last name though…”

Jamie: “Well, I’m sorry. There is no way for me to help you then, goodbye.” *click*

I was just trying to do Jamie a favor by returning her call, she didn’t have to be so short with me.

My parents just bought a new place and it’s wall papered from floor to ceiling in every damn room, and since I’m kind of a wall paper removal pro, I told them I would help. So here I am removing wall paper and I just can’t get Jamie off my mind. I can’t imagine the number of people Jamie calls and harasses per day. I have to do something about this “Jamie”. I day dream a lot so while I spent 5 hours removing wall paper, I also spent 5 hours day dreaming about the things I was going to do to Jamie. Here are a few ideas I’m currently brewing.

  • Call back and when Jamie asks for my first name, I am going to respond with “Big” and when she asks for my last name, I am going to respond with “Foot”.
  • Call back and ask Jamie how I can apply for a position at her company because I’m a really good scammer and would give myself an A+ when it comes to identity theft.
  • Call back, give Jamie a first name and a last name and when she asks for the last 4 digits of my social security number I am going to respond with “6969, just like the position your boyfriend and I were in last night.” I think this one just may get under Jamie’s skin!
  • Call back Jamie and when she answers the phone, start playing Lionel Richie’s lyrics to “Hello, is it me you’re looking for?”
  • Call back Jamie and when she answers I’ll say “knock,knock.” Hopefully Jamie responds with  “Whose there?” I’ll say “Amos.” Jamie will hopefully respond with “Amos who?” and I will respond with ” A mosquito!”

My thoughts of all the things I could possibly say to Jamie are endless. I decided that if I go forth with this, I obviously would need to record it and put it on YoutTube. I can’t let Jamie’s anger and frustration go unnoticed.

My blog is not even done yet, as you can see, the original platform is still all over the website, but I just had to get Jamie off my mind and this was the only way. I will keep the blog updated on mine and Jamie’s status and will post the link to my YouTube video as soon as I am finished with it.

In the meantime, if anyone cares to call and talk to Jamie, she can be reached at 877-254-5141. Please leave details about your phone call in the comments section!

Goodnight,

Anastasia